When the Uniform Comes Off, Who Are You Then?

When you’ve been living a role you love for so long and then it’s gone… When the headset is hung up, the title shifts, the role changes, the tribe’s gone? Who are you? 

A client told me recently, 

“Kev, I used to know exactly who I was. Now… I’m not sure where I belong.”

I get it. Because I’ve felt it too.

Years spent flying helicopters. Leading teams. Knowing exactly where I stood.

Steady in who I was. Grounded in what I did.

Then one day, I wasn’t.

The uniform came off.

And everything shifted.

Suddenly, you’re not quite part of the crew but not quite fitting in with the execs either.

People start looking at you differently.

And without realising it, you start seeing yourself differently too. 

It’s not just about leadership.

It’s about identity.

And no one talks about that part enough.

That moment where what you do changes.

And it quietly chips away at how you see yourself.

It’s unsettling.

And it doesn’t stay confined to work. 

It shows up in conversations. 

In your confidence.

In how you show up at home when there’s no title to lean on.

Brené Brown puts it perfectly:

"True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are. It requires you to be who you are." 

But when life shifts, when the role changes or the uniform comes off, it’s tempting to throw up the armour.

To act like nothing rattled you. 

To keep pushing, hoping it will pass. 

But here’s what I’ve learned: 

You’re allowed to feel unsteady in the in-between. It’s normal.

That uncertainty isn’t weakness.

It’s part of adjusting.

The key is not pretending the shift didn’t affect you.

It’s noticing when it’s happening and making space to reconnect with who you are underneath all of it.

Because at the end of the day, you’re not defined by the role you’re in.

You’re defined by how you choose to show up.

So let me ask:

Where are you caught between who you were and who you think you’re supposed to be now?

Where’s one place, at work, at home, or anywhere, you could drop the armour and just show up real?

It’s not about fitting perfectly into a box.

It’s about showing up steady.

And human.

Would love to hear your thoughts.