When Values Get Real: Why Culture Lives or Dies by What You Tolerate

There’s no shortage of leadership manuals, strategy decks, or buzzwords. But when leadership gets real, when the pressure’s on, the stakes are human, and the timeline is yesterday, none of that matters if you haven’t defined your values.

Not the ones you stick on the wall. The ones you’re willing to act on when it costs you.

Leadership isn’t just influence; it’s a mirror. And your team is watching to see if your values show up under pressure, or just in PowerPoint. 

---

🚨 The Real Test of Culture Is What You Let Slide 

I’ve worked with enough leaders; military, corporate and first responders to know that culture isn’t built on statements. It’s built on behaviours. On consistency. On what gets rewarded, ignored, or quietly tolerated when the boss isn’t watching.

We say things like “Respect is one of our values,” but then stay silent when someone is undermined in a meeting.

We say, “Psychological safety is essential,” but then punish people for bringing up problems too early or too often.

That’s not a values problem. That’s a courage problem. But if ‘courage’ is one of your values, it’s definitely a values problem too!

And culture doesn’t suffer because people don’t know what to do. It suffers because leaders don’t consistently model what they say they value. 

---

🛠️ Intentional Leadership Starts With Lived Values

Leadership is not about being perfect, it’s about being congruent. Aligning what you say with how you show up. It’s why I talk so often about being “selfish to be selfless.” You can’t give what you haven’t got. You can’t lead with clarity if you haven’t done the internal work to know what matters most to you.

Values like Courage, Compassion, Curiosity, and Loyalty aren’t abstract ideals, they’re operational. They show up when you:

• Speak up when it’s uncomfortable. 

• Ask better questions instead of giving quick answers. 

• Show compassion without dropping into sympathy. 

• Stick by your team when they make mistakes.

  
  

“Trust is built when someone is consistent in their actions, even when it’s hard.” – Brené Brown

Leadership that builds trust starts with this kind of integrity, not perfection, not performance.

---

🧭 Don’t Rely on Corporate Values—Define Your Own 

While Harvard Business Review recently shared a solid piece by Robert Glazer encouraging leaders to identify their core values, one insight stood out: most people default to vague terms like “honesty” or “family.” But as Glazer rightly notes, those aren’t values you can act on, they’re labels.

Generic words won’t guide specific decisions.

Your values need to be behavioural. If your team can’t tell what your values are by watching you for a week, they’re not guiding your leadership. 

---

💬 For Managers: This Is Your Leverage Point 

You want open communication? You need to go first. Create space. Ask the hard questions. Admit what you’re still learning. Give feedback with empathy and clarity. Your team will follow your lead, not your language.

You want to create a great culture? Don’t start with strategy. Start with standards. What you walk past, you endorse.

And if your values haven’t been tested yet, don’t worry. They will be.

The question is: will they hold?

Because at the end of the day, your title doesn’t build trust.

Your consistency does.